Hope

I remember the day she told us like it was yesterday. There was a group of us standing around, Mattie, Karlee, Abby and I, before school, just talking.

It was a bright June day, and there were only a few days left of school, so everyone was happy. That morning, for once we weren’t bitching about our school uniforms, but were happy to have them, since it was going to be a pain to have to go out and buy all new clothes to wear in the summer, even though we loved shopping. We just needed something other then exams to complain about, since we had done enough of that in January.

Tabby walked up to us, clutching onto her sweater like a safety blanket even though it had to be at least ninety degrees in the un-air conditioned school.

"Abby?" She managed to stammer out.

Abby immediately went to her friend’s side, and the two walked away, whispering to each other.

The rest of us that had been left behind looked at each other confused, but passed it off, and continued talking about our summer plans, and since Tabby wasn’t there, what we were getting her for her fifteenth birthday. We were laughed and giggling at the gift ideas, when Abby returned with an arm around Tabby, almost sheltering her like a mother bird would of her young.

"Guys, we need to talk." She said softly, and the five of us went outside in silence, since it was the only place that we could be together and alone and no one would bother us.

Once outside, Tabby pulled me into a hug and started crying.

"I’m sorry Jodi, I’m so sorry. I really am."

I hugged her back, starting to get distressed, because I didn’t understand what was going on. All of us but Tabby who was still in my arms looked at Abby for an explanation.

Abby ran a hand through her hair, then spoke. "She’s pregnant."

Everyone gasped, and I hugged Tabby tighter, not wanting to let go of my poor friend. Though it was an obvious and stupid question, I still had to ask.

"But how?"

Tabby pulled back a bit and looked at me with sad and sorry eyes.

"It just did. I’m sorry Jodi. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry to all of you. I really am."

"No Tabby, you don’t need to apologize to us, you didn’t do anything wrong to us."

"But I know you guys will stay by me through this, and it’s going to be a pain in the ass, and I’m sorry."

Karlee pulled Tabby away from me and hugged her.

"No Tabby, you aren’t a pain in the ass. We’re here for you because we’re your friends, now calm down, or people will ask questions."

Tabby nodded, and wiped her eyes. Everyone gave her a big hug and we headed back inside, so Tabby to re-do her make-up.

While we were in the bathroom, we were silent. As Tabby ran a brush through her hair, she smiled.

"Well, since I can’t decide, all four of you are going to be the godmother when I get the baby baptized. Now, help me think of names."

We all looked at her surprised. This light-hearted attitude was coming from a girl who had just had an emotion breakdown. She stopped brushing her hair and glared at us.

"Oh stop looking at me dumb-founded. I’m still human. I just thought you guys would be mad at me, and since you aren’t, I feel a bit better about things. Now, help me think of baby names!"

Mattie was still dumbfounded.

"Shouldn’t your boyfriend help you think of baby names?"

"What? Ram? No. I still have to gear him up for the news, so he doesn’t know yet. Once he does though, and if he decides to stay with me,"

"Which he will."

"If he wants to Jodi. Anyways, I want to have a good edge on him when it comes to the baby's name. Help please?"

We laughed at the look she gave us when she asked us for help, and we started throwing around names.

That’s what we did all summer to. We did things that any group of fifteen-year-old friends would also. We cried and made a big fuss when Abby moved to California. She promised to write, and made Tabby promise to tell her when the baby was due so she could be back in town for the delivery.

We had to be careful where we went when we did stuff though, because Tabby was hit with serious morning sickness about a month into the pregnancy, and it didn’t end until almost October. And she didn’t just get sick in the morning either. She was sick at all times of the day.

Somehow though, that even though once we were back at school, and she was throwing up almost everyday, she was still able to hide her pregnancy from the student body. She was lucky to, because there was barely a bulge in her stomach at all, so there was no way anyone could possibly know by looking at her. She had started to grow pale though, with all the throwing up she was doing, and wasn’t getting enough nutrients into her system.

To make matter worse, though it had been four months in October, she still hadn’t said anything to Ram. We all wanted to tell him, Tabby wanted to tell him, but she said there was no way he could handle the news. She said she was trying, but she just couldn’t figure out someway she could let him know without getting the reaction that she didn’t want.

Around the middle of October, my family and I always go to Florida for two weeks, and this year was no different. Because of Tabby’s new pale complexion, they suggested that I ask her to come along, to try to get the healthy tan glow that she usually had back.

She as more then happy to come, and her parents, who also still hadn’t caught on to the pregnancy, let her go. They were worried about how sick she was, but Tabby kept reassuring them it was just a bad flu and that she was getting better. She reminded her parents that she had always had a weak immune system, and with that, she had been able to avoid any trips to the doctors with them. She always went on her own time, or with one of us.

We were in Florida no more then three days before the strong, healthy and happy Tabby returned. She was all smiles, at any time of the day or night, and though she was still slightly pale, she had a healthy rosy glow to her face again. Another good thing was her morning sickness had stopped.

Every night though, instead of partying on the beach like everyone else did, she would sit up in the hotel room and do her schoolwork and then some. She was working hard, making sure that all her grades were high and stayed high, and made sure she was getting bonus marks.

When I asked her why, she told me that she had a baby who needed to be taken care of. She wanted to keep the baby, or keep the child in close contact, so that she could see or be near it whenever she wanted. I thought she was completely insane. She told me if it went any other way, she would be crushed.

Then, one afternoon, three days before we were to leave for home, she started getting really bad abdomen and stomach pains. Me and her found our way to the nearest hospital, and they took her right into the delivery ward, saying she was going into a stress-induced labour. I asked the attendants what it meant as we were running down the corridors to a delivery room, and they explained that Tabby was under a lot of stress, and it was causing harm to the baby, so her body was getting rid of the baby before it hurt the baby too much.

Stress was causing it? I couldn’t understand it. Tabby was on vacation in Florida. She was in the sun and sand, her favourite place on earth to be, yet she was stressed out? Then I remembered. Every night she spent locked up in her hotel room. Her studying was stressing her and her baby out too much.

They took her into the delivery room, and I sat in the hall. I felt the blood in my veins run cold as I harsh thought crossed my mind. There was no way that Tabby was in the third trimester yet. She was still in the first, maybe the second. There was no way the baby would survive if born now. There was just no way. I felt tears spring to my eyes as I though of my little godchild.

After thirty painful minutes, they wheeled Tabby out of the delivery room, and into one of the regular rooms. I followed.

Once the attendants left, I sat on the foot of the bed. We didn’t say anything to each other. I doctor came into the room, and looked at the two of us, then came over to the bed.

"Miss Tabitha Mathis, am I right?"

"Yes."

"You already know the news I presume."

Tabby didn’t say anything, but I saw a silent tear stream down her cheek as she nodded her head.

"Well, you asked us to do a check, to find out the gender. We believe the baby was to be a girl. I hope that helps you. You should be fine a few hours, unless you would like to leave now."

"I want to stay for a bit."

Tabby said softly, wiping the tear away, and looking out the window. The doctor nodded, then left the room. Once the doctor was gone, neither of us said anything. We were trapped by the silence until Tabby spoke.

"Anna Maria Hope."

"Huh?"

"Anna Marie Hope. That’s what her name is."

"Oh. Right."

Tabby sat back and sighed. "Yep. Ana Marie Hope. That’s it, that’s all."

"No last name?"

"Nope. Just Hope at the end. There’s always hope."

"That there is."

"Well, October 19^{th will be remembered as a good day then. A day full of hope."}

"Yes, a day of hope."

She looked at me and smiled, and I smiled back. She was taking things well, and I was surprised. She had wanted the baby so bad, yet had lost it in the worst possible way.

There was a knock on the door, and a counselor came into the room.

"Tabitha Mathis?"

"Yes."

"Hello. I’m Doctor Johansson. I’m a post-natal counselor. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Are you sure Tabitha? You just went through a pretty nasty ordeal."

"But it’s better this way. She's better that way. There wasn’t really a life here for her."

"I see. Well, make sure if you’re having any problems, to see a counselor, alright Tabitha?"

"Tabby."

"Alright, Tabby, make sure you talk to someone if you need to, alright?"

"I will. Thanks Doc."

"Hmm."

Doctor Johansson left, and Tabby laughed.

"Oh yeah, I really need help. I’m not going to think about what just happened and have the best two days of my life while I’m still here. Sheesh. I can’t believe that woman’s paid."

"Tabby!"

"What? It’s true. It’s better that way. I don’t need someone to come tell me, oh, it’s normal for these things to happen, you’re not a bad person because of what happened, God still loves you, blah, blah, blah! Like, come on, I don’t even believe in God! Let’s get out of here Jodi, before she comes back, and your parents start to wonder where we were."

I left the room so Jodi could change into her bathing suit that she had in a shoulder bag with her, and then once she was done, I did the same. Tabby signed out at the front desk, and we headed for the beach.

"Are you sure you’re gonna be alright Tabby?"

"Perfectly ok."

And she was right. She had the best two days of her life on the beaches those last two days we were there. She partied through to the early morning both nights, and slept the whole flight back home. Once at home she slept some more. I didn’t know that one person could sleep so many hours in a row without doing anything but. Once she was up and moving again, she claimed that she had jet lag.

We didn’t get back together with Mattie and Karlee until we had been home for three days. We all went to the mall together.

Without realizing, since it hadn’t been talk about, Karlee patted Tabby’s stomach.

"Lucky girl. Still nothing!"

I saw a look of despair go over Tabby’s face, but it quickly disappeared. Tabby looked at me.

"You tell them. I’m going to the food court for a pop."

She walked away, leaving a confused Mattie and Karlee behind. They both looked at me expectantly. I sighed, not wanting to tell them. I finally did, and they tried to rush off to find Tabby, but I grabbed them.

"Don’t! Tabby’s taking thing so well. Let’s not wreck them now. When we see her, give her a hug, but that’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. We don’t need her getting depressed now."

They nodded, and we headed to the food court. We found her sitting alone at a table, drinking a Coke. She smiled at us, and the other two gave her a hug. She accepted the hugs with a smile.

"Don’t worry about me. I’m alright, so don’t even ask."

"Are you going to tell Ram?"

"Tell Ram? Are you crazy Mattie? He’d be heart-broken, I know he would. And well, it’d break my heart to tell him."

They nodded, and we dropped the discussion, quickly turning it to who was wearing what on out of uniform days, and who was failing what classes, the normal gossip.

~*~

But now, here I stand, with Tabby, and Mattie and Karlee as well. It’s a year later, October 19th to be exact. We’re standing in front of a small rose bush, only a year old. Tabby bought it from a garden nursery the day after the day at the mall. It’s planted in the field, behind Tabby’s house, in a small clearing she made as soon as the weather was nice. Underneath it is a stone.

Anna Marie Hope.

Hope in this world,

Shine bright as can be.

Guide me along the way,

Forever and Eternity.